What are the signs of relationship abuse and how to help?
In this article, we discuss what you can look out for if you suspect that someone you know is going through relationship abuse. We discuss a few important signs and what can be done to help the person release themselves from the cycle of abuse.
Have you ever looked at a couple and thought, “Wow, they are always so great and happy together?” On the outside for most couples, that may seem the case. But sometimes, it ends up being just a façade. Sometimes, what is bright and beautiful on the outside can be hiding something dark and disturbing inside. Relationship abuse can be difficult to detect. Most people might think of relationship abuse in the physical sense, but sometimes the abuse can be emotional. So how does someone go about detecting signs of abuse? We will look into some of the signs that might signal relationship abuse, as well as ways you can go about helping a person going through abuse.
A victim with depression is one signal one might look out for that may be signs of relationship abuse. To give an example, before abuse, the victim might normally have a happy and a bubbly personality. Then all of a sudden you notice the victim’s happy personality disappears. Now, the victim seems always sad and quiet. These types of drastic changes in demeanor might be for many reasons, but if they have recently gotten into a new relationship with someone and these changes seem to be more prominent when the companion is near, then relationship abuse may be a possibility. Sometimes, the victim may not even be aware that the abuse is happening. An abuser can be very subtle in their emotional abuse, if the victim is being gaslighted, meaning that they are manipulated into questioning their own judgement, then a victim may sometimes end up thinking that the abuse is their own fault. As a consequence, the victim’s emotional decline due to depression may be noticeable sign of relationship abuse.
Another sign that can appear is the controlling nature of the abuser. Most abusers like the feeling of being in full control of the victim. Most of the time, this type of abuse may not be so obvious from someone looking from the outside. The abuser might control every small detail and movement a victim makes. For example, they might check the odometer of a victim’s car to see how far the victim has travelled during the day and the abuser might also check the victim’s phone for messages, their internet history or even their emails.1 (New Hope, N.D.) But Sometimes, the abuser’s controlling nature might seep out in ways that can be more noticeable. You might notice for instance, that the victim does not see their friends and family as often as they used to. An abuser wants to be in constant control of their victims, so the idea of the victim going to see loved ones, whether it may be friends or family, might drive the abuser into physically isolating the victim. The abuser may be more subtle and try to manipulate the victim into feeling guilt for going to see loved ones. The abuser can even go to the extremes and prevent the victim from going to work or even prevent audio communication with friends and relatives. If you ever notice that a suspected victim is going through any of these signs, than it could be possible that they are in an abusive relationship.
Physical abuse is the most obvious sign of an abusive relationship. The victim might all of a sudden have strange bruises in their face, wrists, arms, or other parts of their bodies, and sometimes the bruises are constant. You might also notice the victim trying to hide parts of their bodies with clothing that does not fit the season, long sweaters, and scarves in the summer as an example, or sunglasses indoors or in areas where someone would not normally use sunglasses. The victim might be ashamed or scared to show their injuries and would probably go through extraordinary measures trying to hide them. The victim may also try to hide their injuries by saying that they fell down or say that it was their own fault. You should keep an eye on their demeanor when they speak of the injuries, or for inconsistencies in their story, it might help to detect signs of abuse if you notice strange changes in how they appear and how they speak.
So, after looking through some examples, what can you do to help someone going through these potential signs of abuse? Keep in mind that how you may need to communicate with an abuse victim may vary from person to person. Starting a conversation with the victim on a positive note, that is to say being complimentary and supportive, may help the victim see that they are not alone in their pain and that there is someone that might be willing to help them. It may not be a good idea to immediately point out abuse to the victim, you may need to subtly point out the signs of unhealthy relationship behaviors to the victim. Doing so may help the victim realize that what is happening to them is not normal, they may already realize it but not want to admit it to themselves that it is happening. But by pointing out that the unhealthy behavior is noticeable, it may help wake the victim to the realization that what is occurring is not normal and, furthermore, may assist in their decision to take the necessary steps to remove themselves from the abusive relationship.2 (One Love, N.D.). Other ways to help a victim of relationship abuse is to contact social services or shelters, or even an attorney or support groups that can provide professional assistance to help resolve the situation.3 (VeryWellMind, 2020)
It is a delicate process to help someone going through relationship abuse. If you or someone you know is in need of further information or help, they can visit sites like; https://www.un.org/en/observances/ending-violence-against-women-day and https://www.unwomen.org/en/what-we-do/ending-violence-against-women.
It is time to do what we can to end the cycle of abuse.
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New Hope. (N.D., N.D. N.D.). Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship. Retrieved from New Hope: https://www.new-hope.org/warning-signs-of-an-abusive-relationship/
One Love. (N.D., N.D. N.D. ). How To Help A Friend Who May Be In An Abusive Relationship. Retrieved from One Love: https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/help_a_friend/
T, B. (2020, July 5). 9 Ways to Help a Victim of Domestic Violence. Retrieved from VeryWellMind: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-help-a-victim-of-domestic-violence-66533